I’ve been thinking a lot lately about trauma. The word has recently become more mainstream, and while it may be overused or used incorrectly at times, it’s a word people, like me, can use to describe experiences they went through and the everlasting effects. I had a traumatic childhood.

Estrangement has a way of sneaking into your life and triggering memories. And it may come in the form of flashbacks, déjà vu, or you may just catch yourself imitating a parent even though you swore up and down that you would never be like him or her. And all this has gotten me to think about our memories. The painful ones we try to conceal that always manage to surface. Can we trust them?

This month, the advice columnist advises the parent of an estranged adult child about what to do instead of trying to locate her.

If you had asked me what my most prevailing emotion has been related to my almost 10 years of complete estrangement, it would be anger. And it has taken me many years to come to this realization.