EFT: Emotional Freedom Tapping for Support Through Estrangement

“Sometimes EFT is as simple as that: slotting a few minutes into your day. Tapping when you feel stuck, frustrated, or lazy… The thing is, it’s the little stuff that turns into big stuff.” Nick Ortner - Author of The Tapping Solution

Rooted Wellbeing- A monthly series exploring everyday wellbeing practices for healing and growth, simple, inclusive, and accessible ways to support ourselves through the challenges of estrangement. Gentle invitations to pause, reconnect and grow small roots of steadiness and care.

I’m Jules, an Integrative Counsellor, Coach and Wellbeing Facilitator. Through this series, I share practices that have supported me and the communities I work with, including my own lived experience of estrangement. My hope is that each piece offers something you may want to explore or gently lean into, as a reminder that we can find small moments of steadiness, reflection, space to express and connection.

Certain practices arrive in our lives at moments when we may least expect them but may really need them, those little anchors during times of overwhelm, transition, or heartbreak. For me, EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) tapping first showed up about twelve years ago during a season of life that was very challenging, uncertain and painful.

I was at a point in my life where I had very little money or resources and needed something to help soothe and support me, scrolling the internet for help in any ways I could find, I stumbled upon Brad Yates’ Tap with Brad videos on YouTube. His calm, gentle presence felt like the emotional equivalent of being handed a warm cup of tea and told, “You’re safe enough for now.”

What Is EFT Tapping? 

EFT (or tapping) blends gentle acupressure with mindful acknowledgment of what you’re feeling. You tap on specific meridian points on the face and upper body while naming the emotion or experience you're working with.

It’s a simple, grounding practice that can take a couple of minutes and is portable,I have tapped in many places including:

• on the bus

• in the garden at a family gathering

• in the car

• in the toilet at work 

• under a duvet when the world feels too loud

Dr. David Feinstein describes tapping as “a conversation between the emotional brain and the thinking brain.” 

Estrangement and the Holiday Season

In my counselling and coaching practice working with estranged adults, I see a particular tenderness emerge around seasonal holidays, even for those who may feel solid in their boundaries or at peace with their choices, this time of year can often stir up old stories, grief, longing, comparison, or simply the ache of not fitting into the cultural narratives of family togetherness.

And our bodies feel it, Bessel van der Kolk reminds us, “The body keeps the score.” EFT can be a gentle, accessible way to soothe the nervous system, supporting the body and mind connection. When this season may bring up complex feelings, we may need some extra soothing and support. 

A Practice I Drifted Away From (And Am Rediscovering)

In truth, I haven’t done EFT for a very long time, and again I stumbled upon Brad recently on You tube at a time when I needed some extra soothing, it was a reminder for me that we can always go back to those little practices that can make a big impact, especially around the holidays, I’ve noticed how much I miss having small, steady things that help me regulate.

Writing this article has reminded me of how grounding and comforting tapping once was, like finding an old jumper at the back of the wardrobe, the soft, slightly bobbly one you’d forgotten you owned but instantly wanted to wrap yourself in. I’m remembering the impact of EFT and how in a very small amount of time I can find my way back home to myself.

How Tapping Can be Supportive When Estrangement Feels Heavy

Estrangement is an emotional as well as a physical experience, there can often be a bracing feeling when we have contact with particular family members,  shoulders may tense, stomach clenches, breath shortens, sleep goes wandering. Even when clients tell me they’re “fine,” I witness their bodies often telling a different story.

Dr. Sue Johnson writes, “We are wired for connection,” and tapping, to me, feels like reconnecting with the self, especially the parts of us we’ve abandoned, silenced, or overloaded with responsibility.

How to Begin 

A quick practice- Try tapping on the collarbone point, take slow, gentle breaths in and out, you may notice something shifts, sometimes it’s small; sometimes it’s a deep exhale you didn’t know you were holding.

Helpful Resources

Here are some places to explore tapping:

• Brad Yates – Tap with Brad (YouTube)https://www.youtube.com/c/tapwithbradMy personal entry point and still one of the most soothing guides out there.

• The Tapping Solution (Nick & Jessica Ortner)https://www.thetappingsolution.com/Articles, research summaries, and guided tapping.

• EFT Internationalhttps://eftinternational.org/Clear explanations and a directory of practitioners.

• Nick Ortner’s book: The Tapping SolutionA compassionate, beginner-friendly introduction.

• Sandhya Coyle – YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-9snxzTgzV3jGXM9hEtBSw  Meditative practices, grounding, and soothing EFT- sessions.

A Gentle Invitation for the Season Ahead

Whether you’re navigating estrangement, holiday overwhelm, emotional exhaustion, or simply the weight of being a human in this often challenging world, EFT can offer small, steady moments of relief. It’s not a fix or a cure all, but it can be a supportive tool. As we move through this season with its brightness, its pressure, and complexities, I hope you find practices that help you soften the edges. If you try EFT or it’s something you have practiced, may it bring you a moment of gentleness, grounding, and self-compassion, you deserve that this season and every season.

Now that I have written this article and reminded myself of its value, I’ll be tapping again.

Maybe in the supermarket queue.

Maybe under a blanket and cushion fort.

Maybe right after pressing publish on this article…..