Exploring Breathwork

Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths - Etty Hillesum

Rooted Wellbeing

A monthly series exploring everyday wellbeing practices for healing and

growth, exploring simple, inclusive, accessible practices to support ourselves through the

challenges of estrangement.

These aren’t about quick fixes or adding more pressure to “do wellbeing right” my intention

is for them to be invitational, ways to steady ourselves, reconnect with our bodies and

supportive in growing roots of safety and care. Some practices may feel familiar, others may

be new, my hope is that each month you may be able to find something gentle to lean on a

reminder that even in difficult times and seasons, we can plant small seeds of steadiness

and connection.

I’m Jules an Integrative Counsellor, Coach and Wellbeing Facilitator I hope to explore and

share various wellbeing practices; the impact it has on me and my lived experiences of

estrangement, and on communities and people I work with, and hope it may be of support

to you. I work in wellbeing supporting others and can often find my wellbeing can get

pushed to the side when I’m overwhelmed, or feeling on the edge of burn out, I tend to

speed through a flight state taking on more and more, then slowly move into a Freeze state,

numbing out with a Netflix feel-good binge, filling myself with cheesy snack deliciousness,

hiding under a cosy blanket fort…..And I carry no shame with this, it’s a well-worn way I’ve

learnt to care for my wellbeing and as warming and safe as it can feel it also often can

become heavy, I can begin to feel stuck, finding myself spiralling and ruminating down

rabbit holes!

When I create space for my wellbeing, not as another ‘thing I should do’ but as an act of

kindness for myself, even it’s just a pause to catch my breath, the more I’m able to fully

show up for myself. I’m treating this series of articles like a personal pilgrimage trying new

things, revisiting old ones, noticing what lands and most importantly making my wellbeing a

non-negotiable anchor in my life.

Breathwork and Estrangement

When we live with estrangement, low contact, or ongoing family tension, even breathing

can often feel complicated or heavy. I know in my own family of origin, whenever there was

contact, I often found myself holding my breath, bracing, waiting for the next reaction or

silence to drop, it was like my body didn’t quite believe it was safe to exhale.

Many people I’ve worked with often describe similar feelings; shallow, tight breathing,

chests locked, shoulders high, throats tight, the body on permanent standby, waiting for

impact. All of this makes sense, our nervous system is wired to respond to stress or fear

through fight, flight, freeze or fawn and our breath is usually the first place it shows up.

Shallow, stuck, fast, high in the chest, over time, this can leave us exhausted, disconnected

and often hypervigilant as though we are always “on guard,” even in moments where we’d

like to feel safe.

The Benefits of Gentle Breath Practices

When we slow and deepen the breath, we activate the parasympathetic nervous system the

part of our body that signals “you’re safe enough to rest.” This can help support in reducing

stress hormones like cortisol, slowing the heart rate, and lowering tension in the muscles.

When we’ve experienced estrangement our bodies can sometimes forget what safety feels

like, we may live in a near-constant state of alertness; scanning for rejection, bracing,

waiting for conflict. Breathwork can’t erase that pain, grief or the complexity of

estrangement but it can soften the edges, it can offer us a tiny doorway back into our

bodies, a way to signal to our nervous system:

It’s okay. You’re safe enough to soften here.

When done slowly and compassionately, breath practices can help with:

 Grounding: Bringing us back to the present when our minds spiral into “what ifs.”

 Regulation: Calming the nervous system after a triggering message, memory, or

interaction.

 Choice: Reminding us we don’t always have to stay in survival mode, micro-moments

of rest are possible.

Connection: Reconnecting us to our bodies, especially if we’ve had to disconnect to

cope.

Everyday Breathwork: Where It Actually Happens

I used to think breathwork had to be this long, serene thing, done on a cushion with perfect

posture, but honestly, my most important breath practices have happened:

 on the bus on the way into work

 taking three breaths in the loo when everything felt too much

 one slow exhale before opening a difficult text or email.

This is breathwork, down to earth, messy, imperfect, and in small ways can shift even just

for a moment how we feel.

Gentle Breath Practices to Try

Here are three I return to often, if they don’t feel right, that’s okay, you can adapt them,

leave them, or come back later.

1. Orienting Breath-Look slowly around the room. Let your eyes land on something neutral or comforting. Breathe in gently through your nose, exhale just a fraction longer than your inhale. Whisper to yourself: Right here, right now, I’m safe enough

2. The Sigh (Physiological Breath)-Two short inhales (one deeper, one smaller “top up”), then a long sigh out the mouth, I often do this on the bus and can feel some tension release.

3. Micro-Breaths-Before replying to a message that makes your stomach flip, pause. Inhale. Exhale. Give yourself that moment, a pause of space before responding.

My Experience of Live Breathwork

Recently, I went along to a live breathwork

session with the 3E Space, facilitated by the

fantastic team Jess Frost and Nick Edgar. I’ll

be honest I felt nervous going in. I’ve

practiced breathwork online before, in the

safety of my own home (pyjamas, blanket,

exit routes planned!). But being in a group

felt different more exposing.

What struck me straight away was how

safely and sensitively the space was held.

Jess and Nick made it very clear from the

beginning that everything was invitational.

Permission was given to do things in our

own way, to pause, to advocate for our

needs. It felt trauma-informed, sensitive

and understanding. Not having to push through, honouring what felt right for us.

Breathing together in a group felt so powerful, there’s something about the collective

energy in the room, that you just can’t get from a screen. At one point, we all let out a huge

scream, releasing anger, tension, and tightness, all given permission to come out, I didn’t

realise how much my body needed it until afterwards, when I felt lighter, like I’d unclenched

something I’d been gripping for years. A couple of us even began to giggle and there was a

feeling of sharing lightness as well as darkness. If you’re curious, I’d gently encourage giving

it a try. And if live isn’t for you right now, online is a beautiful place to start too. The 3E

Space offer many inspiring resources and an online community.

Breath as a Pilgrimage For me, these

practices feel like little inner pilgrimages. A

pilgrimage isn’t just about walking to sacred

places it’s also about the inner journey.

Each breath feels like a step on that path

back to me. Sometimes I wander,

sometimes I stumble, sometimes I stop for

snacks (very important), but the intention

remains…. to keep returning home to

myself.

Resources

If you’d like to explore breathwork in safe, supportive ways, here are some free or low-cost links you may want to explore they are all with a with a trauma- Informed approach.

The 3E Space —The 3 E Space Coaching, Wellbeing and Breathwork

Josh Connolly’s Breathwork — Josh Connolly Breathing Space

Lynn Fraser’s Still point — Lynn Fraser guided meditations and breath resources

Kirsty Lyon — @itskirstylyon

Also, you can find many free gentle breath practices on-Insight Timer — Insight Timer

With Permission Breathwork Photos by The 3 E Space and Flower by Jules Allan